I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
