wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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