Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
