Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
