my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
