I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
