I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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