I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
