Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
