HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
