There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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