Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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