He asked to "fluff my boner.."
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
