the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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