batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
