Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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