I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
