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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
FUCK WHALES
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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