I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
