Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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