I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
