Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
