You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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