you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
