There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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