Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
