Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
