some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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