I'm eating all of the evidence.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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