It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
