I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
