Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
