I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
