I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
