the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
