I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
