if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
