everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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