im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
