WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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