i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
