I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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