I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
