i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
