she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
