i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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