Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was like getting head from an anaconda
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
