we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
