No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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