it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
