Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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