If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
