So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
